2013 10 Commandments Of The Beach
The Summer Solstice arrived at 1:04am and the first day of summer looks like a perfect 10.
As a matter of fact the next several days should make for ideal beach conditions and my guess is both locals and visitors alike will be flocking to the beach many for the first time ,this year.
While they might find some things a bit different from last summer what does remain are my beach rules which are quite different from the ones posted on signs from Belmar to Long Beach Island.
New and improved for 2013 are my 10 commandments of the beach.
- THOU SHALT NOT SIT ON TOP OF THY NEIGHBOR-This is not Coney Island so please seek some space between yourself and those around you.
- THOU SHALT NOT BRING A FOLD-UP LOUNGE CHAIR THAT WAS MEANT FOR YOUR BACKYARD- It really sends a message that you’re not a beach regular.
- THOU SHALT NOT WEAR A BATHING SUIT WHICH DOES NOT FIT THY BODY- The stares you are receiving are not because people admire you but wonder what was she (or he) thinking.
- THOU SHALT NOT FEED THE BIRDS- You want to feed animals then go to a zoo. Feeding the birds brings more birds which brings more bird you-know-what.
- THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO WALK OVER MY BLANKET– I accept the beach is a family place but when your kid walks on my blanket and knocks down my coffee can you do more than just smile?
- THOU SHALT NOT TRY AND OPEN AN UMBRELLA ON A WINDY DAY– At the very least make sure you bury the base deep into the sand and face the umbrella on an angle into the wind. If not you may find yourself chasing it down the beach and worse yet it could seriously injure someone.
- THOU SHALT NOT LEAVE WITHOUT FILLING IN THE HOLES YOU DUG– Listen I’ve never understand the whole digging thing, especially when the fathers take over from the kids who’ve stopped. But if you are going to dig holes then fill them in when you are done.
- THOU SHALT NOT ASSUME I LIKE YOUR MUSIC- It’s bad enough you had it blasting in your car at the traffic light but now you think the beach is a concert venue.
- THOU SHALT NOT ARGUE WITH THE LIFEGUARDS– As hard as it might be for you to believe they know the water better then you. So when they blow the whistle and wave at you it’s not to say “hello” but rather….move where I tell you to move.
- THOU SHALL FOLLOW MY COMMANDMENTS- Or take your chaise lounge, ill-fitting bathing suit, boom box, shovels and obnoxious kids to Coney Island…you’ll fit right in.