What It Means To Be Irish

It’s as much a tradition as corned beef and cabbage and like it or not you’re getting it again on this St. Patrick’s Day.

While today is a public holiday in Ireland here’s it’s likely more associated with parades and celebrations and there will be plenty of toasting the patron saint himself in Ocean County at Klee’s Bar & Grille, Caffrey’s Tavern, The Crabs Claw Inn, Office Restaurant & Lounge, P.J. Sweeney’s and McIntyre’s Pub just to name a few.

As this is one of my favorite days of the year I’d like to do that myself but it’s doubtful I’ll be able to throw one back so for now I will simply deliver this ditty from Joseph Keefe about what being Irish means:

• You will never play pro basketball.
• You swear very well.
• At least one of your cousins holds political office.
• You think you sing very well.
• You have no idea how to make a long story short.
• You are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf.
• Much of your food was boiled.
• You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
• You’re strangely poetic after a few beers…you are therefore poetic a lot.
• You will be punched for no good reason a lot. Some punches are legacies from past generations.
• Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
• Many of your sisters are Mary, Catherine or Elizabeth and one might be Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
• You don’t know the words but that does not stop you from singing.
• You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start.
• “Irish Stew” is a euphemism for “boiled leftovers from the fridge.”
• You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are but what you lack in talent you make up for in frequency.
• There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
• You are, or know someone named Murph. If you don’t know Murph then you know Mac. If you don’t know Murph or Mac then you know Sully.
• You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
• Your parents were on a first-name basis with everyone in the ER of your local hospital.