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What Being Irish Really Means

It’s a tradition unlike any other, and no I am not referring to the Masters on CBS but rather my annual St. Patrick’s Day ditty about what being Irish really means.

Revellers Gather To Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day In Indonesia
Revellers Gather To Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day In Indonesia (Robertus Pudyanto/Getty Images)

While it’s a public holiday in Ireland, today in the United States, the day is associated with parties, parades, and celebrations, and that is very much the case at the Jersey Shore where there is a large population of those with Irish in their blood.

On this white St. Patrick’s Day – just four days before the start of spring – I give you the following from a book written by Joseph Keefe on what being Irish means:

  1. You will never play pro basketball.
  2. You swear very well.
  3. At least one of your cousins holds a political office.
  4. You think you sing very well.
  5. You have no idea how to make a long story short.
  6. You are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf.
  7. Much of your food was boiled.
  8. You have never hit your head on the ceiling.
  9. Your spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling.
  10. You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.  You are therefore poetic a lot.
  11. You will be punched for no good reason a lot.  Some punches are legacies from past generations.
  12. Your sister will punch you because your brother punched her.
  13. Many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth.
  14. Someone in your family is incredibly cheap.  It is more than likely you.
  15. You don’t know the words but that does not stop you from singing.
  16. You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start.
  17. “Irish Stew” is euphemism for “boiled leftovers from the fridge.”
  18. You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are but what you lack in talent you make up for in frequency.
  19. There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
  20. You are, or know someone named “Murph.”  If you don’t know Murph then you know Mac.  If you don’t know Murph of Mac then you know Sully.
  21. You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
  22. Your parents were on a first-name basis with everyone in the emergency room of the local hospital.
  23. And last but not least…being Irish means your attention span is so short that….oh forget it.  HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!

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